A little girl sits in the kitchen as her mother cooks Sunday dinner. Her eyes are full of wonderment and mind is full of questions. Mama, she says, why do you cut the end of the hamhock before you put it in the pot. The mother looks puzzled, she doesn't know why. Well baby, I don't know. Grandma does it. I will call her and find out. The mother calls Grandma, her mother,and asks why does she cut the end of the hamhock before she puts it in the pot. Grandma says...I don't know Daughter, my mother used to do the same thing. Grandma calls her mother and asks..Mother, why do you cut the end of the hamhock before you put it in the pot. Granny answers," I cut the end of the hamhock so that it will fit in the pot". The moral of this story is we are doing things and we don't really know why we are doing them.
For three generations the same thing was done without question and without a reason for two of the three generations. Many times we do things because we have seen it done without reason, more times than we are willing to admit. Many times we accept advice and information just because of who it comes from. Without the knowledge that the information, insight or advice is correct, given without bias, without ill intent or without bitterness. The sources...cousins, girlfriends and MAMA.
Yeah, I said it....MAMA. Just because Mama said it doesn't make it right. That is something that I have been coming to terms with because I am a mother, I have a mother and a had a grandmother and a great grandmother. There have been behaviors, phrases and thoughts passed down through out the generations good, bad and indifferent.
I watched my mother work and take care of her children to the best of her ability. I watched my grandmother be a good wife to a husband that she married and because a mother to his 7 children. I listened to the humors wisdom of my great grandmother. I watched how they interacted with eachother and with others.
The one thing that I remember and always maintain from my grandmother is that a lady must be a lady at all times. That meant and still means to maintain appropriate behavior in public places. My great grandmother always has something funny to say to explain something, usually it was somethings from her past. The story of how she was nosy and her grandmother, a midwife, told her that she carried the babies to the mothers in the black bag that she carried. When she looked she didn't find the baby. She then went back and to her she didn't find the baby, her grandmother told her that she kept the baby in a wood stump. She went to a wood stump to pull out a baby and pulled out a black snake, a coach whip.
This particular blog was more difficult and controversial than Ms. Independent vs Ms. Self-Sufficient because even more women are less willing to accept or admit that Mama or Grandma could be wrong about something. It doesn't mean that they love you any less but what it does mean that you have to look at their mentor ship with critical eye.
Grandma may have had children but never married she may be biased or even bitter about men. She just might not be the one to ask advice about men. She might have passed this down to Mama. You might have seen Mama be independent and strong with no man in her life. What Mama said was the law!! No man told her what to do, less more suggested. Mama taught you to be smart and get an education. Mama also sold you on a dream about a night and shining amour, yet, mama is dissecting every ill that a man may have done to her in her life. Her first boyfriend, her last boyfriend and maybe even your father. All men cheat and lie, men are no good, all men are dogs.
As an adult woman you have to decipher this mess. You have to make some decisions about what is right and what is wrong? What to accept and what not to accept? As a mother, you have to make a decision....do you tell your daughter one thing and show her something else? Example: Smoking is bad for you is what you tell your daughter but she is with you when you purchase cigarettes or even has watched you smoke. Example: Wait until you are married to have sex but there are different men in and out of your home/bedroom.
DON'T accept that because Mama said it that it is ALWAYS right because it isn't. Analyze where it comes from based on what you know about Mama. Has she had some experience that has made her bitter or soured her. We learn lessons from our life experiences and our surroundings, family. Good, bad and indifferent we have learned many lessons mother, our caregiver. We make choices to do as we saw, "it was good enough for Mother it is good enough for me". We make choices," I didn't like how that was done...I won't to that"
I implore you to make a decision! Just because mother said it doesn't make it RIGHT.
