Love Language

     If you have been following my journey on Social Media, lately, you will notice I talk about love..... A LOT. I don't usually speak about love at this level but this is where my journey it taking me this time. Usually, I detour, skip, ignore the emotion or thought because with love some type of pain follows or even connected with that love. Love of people, places and things. This type of love is a romantic type of love. I choose not to share many thing but ESPECIALLY romance. Sometimes you, me*I, just want to keep ish to myself. Keeping it private not secret, so that I can enjoy it alone. Or in the back of my mind " if this ish doesn't work out that I won't have to tuck my tail or explain to anyone what happened."

A woman my age that isn't in a relationship or married has got to have something wrong with her. Women my age are quick to say," Jesus is my husband." Jesus is NOT my husband nor did he mean for me to die a bitter old lady with no spouse. I am single because men are intimidated by me. My favorite is I don't need a man. 😲

      I love you but I don't think you can love me the way that I need to be loved.  That is not something that common to hear because there is little to no understanding about love. In general, love is just love. That isn't the case. We all have a way that we naturally like to be loved and give love.

A Happy Heart

The Love of God

     For the past few months I have been going through some serious changes.  When I say serious, I mean serious. I did more than lost weight. You know, everyone has a heartbreak or heartbreaks. There have been so many things in my life that have broken my heart. PEOPLE, people have broken my heart. The people that I have loved the most broke my heart! The changes that I have been experiencing have me feeling changed, free, DAMN an overwhelm of forgiveness and love. There are new people in my life. There has been a reintroduction of a people in my life. I let go of people, place in things. I saw that people that said they loved me either didn't love me, couldn't love me like I needed to be love, didn't understand love or straight up LIED about the love they had for me. Damn.... right?! That right there was deep and eye opening, all of the reasons.
     I came to the realization that all of the people that I said I had forgiven for breaking my heart, hurting my feeling or even offending me in the least little bit...I hadn't forgiven them. I had just IGNORED their arses! I hadn't blocked them on social media because they had to see me living well and doing well. There are two people that I had actually blocked from calling or texting. Their level of betrayal, to me, was the worst.  Why?! Because, I love them. You just have a different expectation of people that you give your love to.
     Last weekend, I had the opportunity to do something that I enjoy...volunteering.  It makes my heart happy to do something for someone else. Interestingly enough, that is one of my Love Languages (Acts of Service). I have volunteered in different capacities  for years. The feeling I get from giving is euphoric and addictive. This time, it was different. I was working hard. I was happy. I was smiling....I mean, for real smiling. My real HAPPY smile. Oddly enough, I hugged people that I didn't know. Must have been that overwhelm of forgiveness and love that I have been feeling 🤣🤣🤣  Seriously, my mood is better. I am more calm. I have been doing things outside of what I would normally do. Things that would upset me, just seem to make me laugh. I am not real quick to tell a person off, BUT I will...just not as quickly.  I smile a LOT more.

15 "But your, O God, are both tender and kind, not easily angered, immerse in love and you never never quit."

Psalms 86:15 MSG

With age, comes growth and wisdom....HOPEFULLY.  My prayer has always been and will always be for God to put me in the mix with people, places and things that will help and not hurt me.  Fill me daily with Him. In these broken places fill me like the  Kintsugi. I believe He has and He continues to mend me in those broken places. He has been filling me in those places with forgiveness and love. He has been filling me with mercy and grace. He has been feeling with with kindness.  The love of God will cause you to walk outside of your personality and walk IN morality, character and humility. 

20 If anyone boast, "I love God," and goes right on hating his brother or sister, thinking nothing of it, he is a liar. If he won't love the person that he can see, how can he love the God he can't see?

1 John 4:20

#TheLoveofGod #WalkinLove 

#kintsugi #BeDifferent

#BeLove #BeGreat #BeAuthentic 

SELF-Esteem, Get YOU Some

When You Know Your Shape, It Will Build Your Esteem And Grow Your FAITH

Do you know someone that never has anything good to say about them self? What about a person that is always the victim? Is everyone "always talking about me"? Nothing ever works? Maybe that person is defensive whenever you speak with them about them self.

5 "Before I shaped you in the womb, I knew all about you. Before you saw the light of day, I had holy plans for you: A prophet to the nations-that's what I had in mind for you."

Jeremiah 1:5 MSG

Recently, I had a conversation about a person that is in my life. He is always the victim. He is always
 defensive when you talk to him. If you don't agree with anything he says or does then you don't like him. He always seems to be angry anytime I talk to him, unless he is getting what he wants. This particular conversation was because he was UPSET about something that he believes that someone is saying about him. WE know that are saying it but what can you do?! Unfortunately, in the age of social media, everyone is APPEARING to be "Living their best life". Then social media allows people to be cyber bullies to others by posting mean things or giving others the visual that they want them to have about others. His situation is the latter.
Back to the conversation, it occurred to me during the conversation that people with low self esteem allow what other say, think or do to them, for them or say about them,ESTEEM them. It can have a positive effect to bring you up when you down, but it can have a negative effect/impact.  The thing is when you allow what others thoughts of feelings about you, ESTEEM, how you feel about yourself... you could be in a world of trouble.
Have you ever wondered why you are happy doing some thing but not others? I mean, happy helping other but irritated going to work. At work you are making the money that you desire, drive the car, live in the house, have the mate that you desire
When you have knowledge of what you are suppose to be doing in this world, it doesn't make your life easier, BUT it certainly give you an understanding. YOU were placed here to do something. You are chosen! God knew what He had in mind when he thought about YOU. You are a perfect idea in God's mind. 
When you get accolades from others, of course it feels good. It makes you happy. Depending on how grand the accolade is, you could feel like you are on cloud 9. But how does it make you feel when people say bad or negative things? Yes....it hurts. It makes you sad. It could also make your feel angry! The thing is when we allow what others think and feel about us superseded what GOD, the creator has written about us...it can be shattering, distracting and maybe even life ALTERING. 
Imagine if everytime a person, place, or thing attacked your self esteem how you would feel if you could defend yourself. Just the knowledge of FACT that before I was shaped in the womb, GOD knew all about me. He knew what makes me happy and sad. He knew what mistakes that I would make. He knew who He created me to be and what He put me on this Earth to do. He knew the people that I would impact. He had not just plans but HOLY plans.

*He created YOU in His image.
*You're so loved and beautiful BEYOND imagination
*He didn't create ANYONE like you. You are an original and unique
*Not one drop of my self-worth depends on your acceptance of me
*Your value doesn't decrease based on someone's inability to see your worth
*See yourself through GOD's eyes
*No one can make your feel inferior without your consent
*You are fearfully and wonderfully made
*You are the apple of God's eye
*You are a perfect idea in God's mind
*Because you are made in HIS image, YOU are God wrapped in flesh.

#BeGreat #BeOriginal #URLoved #BeAuthentic

Make Yourself HIGH on Your Priority List

You are Number ONE, you really are! 

Nothing can be done without you, please believe that. You are the cab driver, the chef, the mechanic, take the kids to the doctor, take the dog to the vet, laundry, maid, nurturer, disciplinarian, mother, wife, sister, cousin, aunt, business owner....whatever other million hats you wear. You are definitely EVERY woman. The kids needs. The husband needs. Your job needs. Everyone needs something from you, including YOU.

       Make yourself PRIORITY. A few months ago I read an article where Michelle Obama shared the importance of making yourself PRIORITY.  The article went on to speak about all of the roles she plays as a wife, first lady, mother, and the many programs that she runs the importance of making herself PRIORITY NUMBER 1.  It doesn't take away from any of the hats she wears but it assures that she is happy, healthy and mentally refreshed as she "does life".  She discussed the importance of caring for herself mentally, physically and emotionally.
http://www.realclearpolitics.com/video/2011/12/23/michelle_obama_practical_to_put_myself_higher_on_my_priority_list.html
    
Commit to making yourself priority. So, the questions is....are you keeping your commitment to yourself to eat better, exercise, take a vacation, do things that you like to do or are you committed to people, places and things outside of yourself? Do you take every opportunity to explore your personal wellbeing, happiness and joy? When was the last time you made yourself priority and didn't feel guilty? Did you know when you make your happiness, wellbeing, physical and mental health priority that it benefits all people, places and things that are connected to you. Your house is happy. Your business or career flourishes. Your relationships are better. Your attitude is better.
Take time for yourself.  It is so important to make time just for you because your are the resource for many things if not everything that happens in all areas of your life. Let's be honest, when you aren't feeling your best.....nothing goes right! I know that is how it is for me. When you can learn how to manage making time for yourself everyone around you receives the benefit.
*Schedule time
Start in small increments.  Take 10 minutes every day. Try to schedule this time at the same time every day. I usually take my time after I get in from work and I am walking my dog. That is an easy 10/15 minutes. As you become comfortable with taking this time you can extend the length. The reason why I used comfortable because we, as women, feel guilty the moment we do something for ourselves. That is what we are taught and that subconscious voice plays in our head. Please ignore it an invest your time in yourself. If you have young children, it will difficult but do able. Put a do not disturb sign on the bathroom door and stay there. If you have a spouse or significant , enlist his help.
*Purpose DO SOMETHING
Determine a purpose.  Once you have started mastering scheduling your time and graduated the time to 1 hour or more, DO SOMTHING....take a class, join a group, work out. Do something that you enjoy. Oh I forgot to mention that you should have been using that scheduled time to figure out what you like, might want to try, or get back into.
*Live, Love, Laugh
Finally, life is meant to live, love and laugh!!!  Believe it or not...life is very short. I never really thought about being 47 when I was in my 20s less more when I was 16. When I realized my mortality that was my pyridine shift, the moment that I decided that I was going to be happy on purpose. I am going to live on purpose. Love on purpose. Laugh on purpose. Make myself PRIORITY on purpose! I am a perfect idea in God's mind.

Be Authentic
Be Great

Will YOU be your Valentine?!

It's Valentine's Day 2018. I am single and I am going to a concert with my girls. Another year with no Special person to spend this "HOLIDAY OF LOVE" with. Yes, a concert with my girls!! That is one thing I really, really, really LOOOOOOOOOVE to do! Another year lacking sweet nothings being whispered in my ear. Another year without flowers or candy. Another year without dinner and a movie. Another year of N.A.D.T....not a damn thing from anyone except for Valentine's well wishes from my children, family and friends. I bet you thought I was mad or sad from that statement. Nah, I am not. I am cool with living my life until I meet whomever he is.
YET, there are some men and women but more so women that are bitter, angry, upset and lonely.  What tickles me, yes I said tickles me, is there are all kinds of reasons why they say that they are single. Men don't like strong/ independent women. I don't need a man. All the good men are taken or gay. There are more men than women in the world. Just all kind of foolery as to why they are single or even otherwise not dating.
I just wonder....I wonder...have you ever thought would YOU date you? Would you be your Valentine? Last year after being single for 2 years, that was a question I put to myself. At first I said," HELL YEAH"! Yes, I would be my Valentine! Then as I pondered more....meh, maybe not. And the reason I thought maybe not is because I don't take myself on dates like I used to. You know date yourself. Go out by your damn self. Take yourself somewhere that you want to go. Try something different. Take a class. Invest in yourself. You all those things that make you feel special or good. The things that make you shimmer and shine so bright on the inside that it can't help but show up on the outside.
When was the last time your got your arse out and did something.  I usually don't...church, home, work, home, concert, home, mall, home. Do you see something consistent? Unless you get out, you won't meet a mate. The other part....you can put lipstick on a pig but that doesn't make the pig DATEABLE OR MARRIAGE MATERIAL. Your attitude is nasty. You are bringing your old relationship baggage into your new relationship. You are more masculine then feminine, meaning you don't allow a man do what he is created to do.
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A LITTLE VALENTINE'S DAY HISTORY
Each year on February 14^th, many people exchange cards, candy, gifts or flowers with their special “valentine.” The day of romance we call Valentine’s Day is named for a Christian martyr and dates back to the 5^th century, but has origins in the Roman holiday Lupercalia.
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Valentine's Day is just a day! Single, relationship or married love on yourself EVERYDAY. Treating your self well with: some time dedicated just to you, a special place that is just for you or a thing that is just for you. Being good to yourself allows you to feel good and sets you up to be good to those around you. When you love yourself, you aren't dependent on other people to SHOW you they love you on this day or any other day. Besides if the one you love only shows they love you on that one day, do they really love you?  If you are single and someone has asked you to be their valentine, it is only ONE day. You never know, that one day could lead to your FOREVER VALENTINE.

A New Weight Loss Program

GUEST BLOGGER***Karen Thomas****

With the new year just weeks away, change seems to be on everyone's mind.
Many see the new year as a time to do things differently or a new chance to change the things that they feel are keeping them from living their best life. So they make New Year's resolutions which brings promises of new love, new money and a new life.  One of the top resolutions that is often made is the resolve to lose weight.  People start the year out meal planning, starting diets and exercise programs all in hopes of losing those few extra pounds, only to find themselves 2-3 months into the new year giving up.
I'd like to submit to you that perhaps there is a different type of weight loss that needs to take place in this new year that may help with not only losing pounds but also with your finances, love life and business as well. 
This weight loss will get you in touch with the Authentic you.   I call this emotional weight loss.    With this weight loss regimen, you don't have to change your physical diet but you will have to change your mental diet. Let's take a look at this plan.  

What do I need to lose?

1. Negative self-talk.    What do you say to you when you make a mistake?
2. Naysayers.  Who do you allow to speak to you about your dreams?
3. Procrastination.  Procrastination can be the killer of dreams
4. Unproductive Relationships.  Do they cause you to grow and be better?
5. Fear.  This will keep you stuck. 

How do I lose this weight (the exercise program)?

1. Change how you speak to you. When you feel the urge to speak negatively about you, stop, breathe, and change your words...say the opposite.
2. Change your confidants.  Don't tell your dreams to those who don't believe in you or can't dream with you.
3. Take action.  Stop taking so much time contemplating and thinking about what to do and just do it. 
4. Change your friendships and relationships.  Understand that everyone is not equipped to be in your starting line-up (sports reference).  Some are meant to be on the bench, in the crowd and some are cheerleaders.  Learn who is supposed to play which position and put them there. 
5. Do things that scare you. I have found this is one of the ways to overcome some of your fears; the others, you'll just have to close your eyes and leap.

How do I maintain the weight loss (the meal plan)?

1.  Daily Affirmations. Say something great about you daily
2. Vision Board.  Write the vision so that you can put your eyes on it daily. Get it ingrained in your mind.
3. Continue to move forward. Give your goals dates and let nothing distract you.
4.  Don't be afraid or feel guilty about letting people go. Understand that everyone has a purpose in your life, figure out what their purpose is and move accordingly.
5.  Imagine what you could do if there was no fear. 

This is just a brief outline on how to get started to what is  your most important weight loss. This weight loss can not only lead you to losing physical weight but also losing the mental and emotional weight clears the way for finances, greater relationships and careers to reach you. Most of all it opens up the door to being your Authentic self!

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Karen Thomas, Founder/CEO of Sistas Healed & Empowered , is a natural motivator and talented life coach.  She uses her talents to help women make positive life changing decisions while coaching them to find peace during transition. Karen spent time working with women in transitional housing and public housing to help them gain independence after homelessness and incarceration.  As a mother of one daughter, Karen is a very active mother to not only her biological child but to many other children across the country.  Karen’s vision incorporates her desire to see women excel in life and overcome obstacles that have the potential to stifle their growth.  As she uses her own life experiences to teach and coach women she does so with transparency and an authentic spirit of love, compassion, and understanding.  Today Karen continues to offer her expertise to women everywhere through individual coaching, seminars, webinars, and speaking engagements. 

To contact Karen, please do so via email at sheismybiz@gmail.com
Twitter: @she_atx
Facebook: www.facebook.com/sistashealedandempowered

The Power to Re-invent Yourself

GUEST BLOGGER***Alicia Buchanan****

New year, new you, right?  It’s totally cliché and everyone is saying it. But waiting for a new year resolution is not always promised to us. You’ve played the game all year long, been the good girl, helped everyone else. Now it is time to help yourself get off that emotional rollercoaster of life happening. 

Why not get a fresh start today and do what you planned to do last year? So what, things didn’t go according to your plan.  Start fresh again.  Relinquish your power to God and let go of disappointment. Disappointment can paralyze your dreams.   It is related to failure and not too far from fear.  Kill it now. Do something bold.

Whether this means getting a new job, moving across town, taking that trip abroad, starting your own business, letting go of a toxic relationship or letting go of stuff that doesn’t work for you, do something courageous that you have never done. 

You have the right to live your best life like Oprah says. 

No one is perfect, even the strong Black woman needs help most of the time.  Contrary to our cultural conditions to remain silent about what we are facing or think that our stories do not matter, it is not harmful to embrace our true reality. 

Don’t fall victim to comparing yourself to anyone else.  They have their own story.  This is all about you and you have permission to be selfish.

Honestly, outward appearances and impressions are deceiving.  Most men and women strive to have what they feel is the perfect marriage, kids, house, luxury  vehicle, six figure salary and a good relationship with God and overall healthy wellbeing.
 
Again these outward appearances can be deceiving.

Since beauty is in the eye of the beholder, it is not always wise to compare the outward appearances of other people’s lives to your own.

Falling into the trap of wanting what other people have can be deadly. Yet, not dreaming at all can be just as deadly.  Awaken your own dreams.  Purpose it in your heart to be all you can be.

If you have lived a comfortable safe life all of your life, this may be a hard pill to swallow.

Let’s start from the beginning.

“Cast your burden on the Lord, and He shall sustain you; He shall never permit the righteous to be moved” (Psalm 55:22).

 

 

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Alicia Buchanan is CEO of Golden Opportunity to Develop and Alicia Buchanan Ministries – a personal development connoisseur and faith based mental health support for women and families, Founder of the Soulful Sister Searching Movement, Author of From Exile to EMBRACE: 7 Secrets to Lead a Happier Life Through Love and Forgiveness, life/relationship coach and transformational speaker.

Connect with me: http://aliciabuchanan.com/

 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/1aliciabuchanan

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