How to Maintain Your Authenticity When All Hell Is Breaking Loose.

           Not very long ago I woke up and realized that I have a few gray hair.  I suppose that happens.  I am 47.  I did become a Mei Mei in September a little more than a year ago. Hmmm, I wonder is it is because I had been letting my hair grow out....I am looking OLD, older than I ever have.  One of the supervisors looked at a picture of me and said," you look so young".  Well damn, that was just months ago!!!  I couldn't have aged that quickly!  Ok, haircut here I come. See you soon Trina! My clothes are KINDA fitting ok.  Pinky said that I am looking older.  I looked in the mirror....I do look like I am aging. It ain't looking too graceful either!  I have good genes. This isn't suppose to be happening. 
          I have been having some stresses, strains and struggles.  It is certainly showing.  My kids...TRIPPIN'. My oldest niece, DEFINATELY has lost her mind!!  Business things, behind!  Work...smh, I won't comment. What the FRENCHTOAST?! Wait onnnnne flipping minute! I am doing everything that I am suppose to do. I am doing everything that I can do. This has been going on for months.  The only thing that has been consistent is INCONSISTENCY.
S L O W D O W N
Are you serious? Is this a tingling in my right arm?!
Let's rewind.....inhale and exhale
Think what is going on here?
I have always believed that things happen for a reason.  The reason, many times has nothing to do with us nor should it be taken personal. Yeah, I believe in forces beyond the natural and their attacks but he isn't making that much happen. He is just messing around enough to discourage me, to block me, to prevent me from moving into my destiny, to put the fire out in my passion.
SO, how can I maintain my authenticity when ALL HELL APPEARS TO BE BREAKING LOOSE.
          Connect with positive people. People that will breath freshness into your spirit. People that will infuse you with positivity. People that will challenge you to ignore the temporal. This is a period that a GREAT change is about to occur. How do I know?  I know because I have believe in bible promises.
          Do what you love. Do you even know what you love anymore?! Do you remember that thing that made your heart smile? We spend a lot of time talking about what we don't want to do, say, see or even happen but there is less time spent on what we want to happen.
          Take a risk and try something new or adventurous. There are times that you hear your mind say," try it, do it". Listen and operate in doing that new or adventurous. Take a class, invest the money! Cut and or color your hair! Take yourself on a drip! Go to that new restaurant that you have passed a million times and wondered what the food is like.
          Do something for yourself.  At a month ago I got a haircut and color. If you have been flowing me than you know that my hair has been purple for two years. I cut the left side and added purple extensions.  I purchased a round trip ticket home to Chicago and a concert in celebration of my 47th birthday AND my new found freedom. Many times as mothers, as women, we put everyone else FIRST....then we neglect our needs wishes and desires.  In the event that we do purchase or do something for our self we feel guilty, ashamed and will go as far as returning or even consider returning whatever it was that we purchased for ourselves. Some of us will take it back and have the feeling of satisfaction as we shuffle out of the store with return receipt in hand and stuff the change into our purse.
The world will forever go on around you! Your self talk is strong, on the negative side. Cast your cares on HIM because He cares for you. Peace of mind comes piece by piece. Your strength is in your knowledge of the FACT.....You are a perfect idea in God's mind.

Be Authentic
Be Great

      

Feeling Some Kind of Way

I have heard that phrase "feeling some type of way" for a few years. I never really understood what that meant. How could you NOT know what way you feel? That doesn't make sense to me. It is ok to have an emotion. Live that emotion: anger, fear, hurt, disappointment, discouraged....whatever that feeling is, FEEL IT!!! Emotions aren't weak. Emotions are HUMAN. Emotions are what set us aside from all other animals on the planet.
Do you not want to feel vulnerable? Is there something wrong with feeling vulnerable? Are you concerned what people would think of you if you said what it is that you feel? Do you know what you are feeling?
I think there are several reasons that people in general and woman....specifically: women have been taught that there is no strength in vulnerability, women are concerned how others SEE them, woman are concerned what others THINK of them, woman are concerned with what others FEEL about them. We have lost our nature to nurture and because of that we FEEL SOME KIND OF WAY when it comes to our emotions.
We aren't safe nor secure in who we are, therefore it is difficult for us to accept the emotion that we feel. We are ill equipt to live in our authentic emotion which makes it difficult to live an AUTHENTIC lifestyle. The fast few days I had been at a level of emotion that I didn't understand. There were a multitude of emotions swirling around, so much so it activated a bout with eczema. I was angry, frustrated, sad and crying. That wasn't " some kind of way" that was EXACTLY what I said it was feeling! I was sad because I looked at a memory of a gift that a received from someone that I loved in the past. I was frustrated and with my children. I was crying because I was overwhelmed.
It is normal to have emotions. Your options are to decide to have your emotions or let your emotions have you. Letting your emotions have you means that they control how you operate your day to day life. Many times our emotions can betray us. They betray us every time we are unsure of the emotion, why we have the emotion every time we make a decision based on that TEMPORARY feeling.
I am angry. I am sad. I am disappointed. Why is it always the "negative emotions" that are labeled with that verbiage?Stop saying," I feel some type of way". Say...I am not sure what this is then INVESTIGATE what it is and why you feel that way. When you take the opportunity, it allows you to learn more about yourself and how best to navigate in that moment. In the even that feeling erupts again, you know what that feeling is and are better prepared to operate. Learn how to accept the emotion and even accept what caused the emotion to erupt.
Today is NOW, tomorrow has passed stop missing out on life, "feeling some kind of way"!
I love you
#BeHappy
#BeAuthentic
#BeGreat

When Is Enough, Enough?

When Is Enough Enough?

It is so interesting how we live a life of more than enough but it isn't enough. That doesn't make sense does it? We have had enough of people but still maintain connection with them. We have had enough of work yet continue to get up daily going to a place that we are sick of. We continue to maintain a status quo in a life of convenience and comfort. We maintain connections with people, places and things that don't fulfill us. Why?!
Fear of what people might think or say about us. Fear of not meeting expectations that other set for us. Ashamed to even say what it is that our heart truly desires. Do we even know what I hearts desire anymore? Do we know what it means to live life on our own terms? Do we know what happiness really is? Do we really know what life is? Do we know when enough is enough?!
I have heard so many people say that when they reached that moment of enough...they just simply QUIT. They quit jobs, quit mates, stopped going to places, quit answering calls, stopped answering questions, quit wasting time. Maybe they snapped!! They went to work one day and said," I am tired of this". They turned over and looked at their mate," there has got to be more than this". Or even said....I just am not filling fulfilled and need to do what really makes my heart smile. In that moment, that very moment, is when the AUTHENTIC switch switches on. That isn't the last time.
Every time, we say yes to our own happiness and not to pleasing someone else the light flickers brighter. Don't misunderstand me...being selfish and being self FUL are two different things. Being self FUL allows you to be good to yourself which in turn allows you to be your best for others. It is more about joy, an internal happiness, no matter what is going on around you...your heart is still happy. You are still moving forward in your personal best success.
When you are moving forward at your best it allows you to be better for those around you. It allows you to be a better mom, sister, friend, daughter, employee, employer or how ever many hats you wear. Have you reached your enough moment? When will you know? What do you do?

Stop trying to be strong for everyone because you have had ENOUGH of that!

Next Level

We have stepped into the New Year! How are you feeling? Have you been working out, exercising, and eating right or whatever your resolution was? Have you said so long to social medial or announced that you are deleting “friends”…lol that is funny to me. At the end of every year we all start making promises to ourselves then announcing them to the world, the resolution.  I have never really been big fan of announcing what I am about to do. I am more of a fan of the Nike slogan, Just Do It!  Or have you ready lost the zeal for the “promise” you made? Are you moving into the month still on task or did you dip? You know what dip is, betrayed yourself because that is what is what it is.

Why put off today what you can do tomorrow? That is what the procrastinator would say plus that is the wrong way to say it. I have heard it the wrong way for years. Ok, so let’s get this straight. You promise at the end of the year to do something at the beginning of the year BUT by mid-February you have gone back to business as usual? Think about that, I’ll wait! 

Many times these promises or resolutions are about superficial things that really don’t require a lot of effort anyway. I have rarely seen someone post or say I am going to be a better person or I am going to go back to my dreams. That would be pretty bold, don’t you think. The people reading and listening would think you are crazy. If you say that in the company of a bold negative person they might laugh then point out something you really should be working on, in their mind. 

I used to wonder why people didn’t stick to their resolution. Why every year they were saying New Year New Me but looking exactly the same, doing the same thing and ANNOUNCING the same slogan at the end of every year moving into the next year.  It occurred to me that I used to do it to!  I can say that I used to because I don’t.  I started wondering why in the world I make wait to make a promise to myself the end of the year for the next year.  Why not make the change or shift I knew was necessary when I realized it was necessary. WHY PUT OFF FOR TOMORROW WHAT YOU CAN DO TODAY?  Then the other part was, I still wasn’t satisfied or fulfilled.  I know the rules, it takes 21 days to create a new good or bad habit. That just isn’t enough!

New Year Next Level became the way I lived my life.  What that meant is that went back to dreaming again.  I made the dreams my goals. At that point I didn’t have to announce to the world the COMMIMTMENT that I had made to myself. I didn’t have a point to prove. The thing that I discovered about many dreams is many of them are God given and they are your purpose.  I often think back to some of my accomplishment.  Some of them other people thought that I should have accomplished, so I did what I knew others wanted me to do.  The others were things that I dreamed of doing.

When I was in the third grade, I remember being asked what I wanted to do when I grow up. I said I wanted to travel the world writing after my children grew up. I have done WHOLE bunch of things between the third grade to the ripe old age of ____.  But when I put my finger on my happy points, my next level stuff came after I accomplished a dream. I have one grown child, almost grown then the last one is not far behind. That is a next level because that I dreamed of having children.  I have published 4 books, next level.  

Go back to your dreams!  Go all the back to your room at mama’s house or your grandma’s house.  The little person that wrote in journals, sang in the brush while looking in the mirror, built things but hid them under the bed.  Get those dreams out of the closet dust them off and try them back on.  Do they feel tight? Flex your muscle and stretch them.  It won’t feel comfortable until you make it a goal.

The real reasons why that we fail, I have failed before too, to maintain our resolutions is because we have forgotten to live our dreams out for whatever reason: fear, shame, concerned what others would think.  It is difficult to make a superficial promise and keep it when you can’t keep a commitment to your being.  Stop living the life of a zombie, doing the same thing, going the same places, connecting with the same people.  It is time to live a next level life and only YOU can create it!  Go back to your dreams! Don’t remember them? Start writing and remembering back when you had no responsibility or pressures to be anyone but who you are.  Place them on your priority list of goals. When you start living your dream, who you divinely created to be, your next level begins.  Your dreams are your heart’s desires.  God will give you the desires of your heart because He gave you the desires of your heart. Why in the world would a third grade me say that I want to travel and write after my children were grown.  

Stop existing and start living your dreams by making them your goals.  You won’t ever have to make another promise to yourself again about the New Year because your GOAL will have you on your Next Level everyday as long as you live.

Be Your Best Self EVERYDAY

Authentic Strength

Stay strong
Only the strong survive
          Those are the two phrases that come to mind about strength.  Who came up with these? Why? Does it mean that you always have to show strength or something is wrong, you won't be respected or as my teens would say....you are a lame.  Who determines your strength? What makes you strong? Why do others think that people that appear to be strong don't need anyone for support or ever feel weak? Hmmmm, interesting thought. I always appear strong and silent but I can be fragile, hurt, venerable.
          When I think about the woman that I grew up around, they had a strength...a silent strength, regal and royal.  Then came the Independence Movement. Women wanted to claim their VOICE.  Now sometimes I wonder are we talking too much to show just how powerful we are?  What came to mind is "real bad girls move in silence". Strength is not about power in the boardroom, boss bitch, holding in your pain in just to switch it for anger. Strength is love, kindness, tender, venerability.  When did we begin to change it up.  It is sadly at such a level that women are no longer soft or even seem to be nurturing.  I don't know how often I have heard women tell their sons," don't cry". Then within a small stretch of time they are upset because the "man" they are with shows little to no emotion.
          For generations women have developed their own ideas of what strength is, then there is even more of a divide ethnically.  I can't claim to know what other ethnicity of women consider strength because I have never been anything but who I am. I do know that there were several turns that have gotten women off task.
 Strength is calm, silent, diligent, patience, nurturing, helpful, unselfish, self-ful, resilience, vulnerability, integrity, self awareness, perseverance, empathy and of course operating in authenticity. Strength is knowing when to move and how to move with a sprinkle of humility to ask for help. Strength is the humming bird whose wings are moving so fast they are almost invisible.....it seems as you are going nowhere but if you take take a little time to breath or survey your progress you will notice. Stop and smell the roses girl! Enjoy your successes big and especially the small ones.  Give your dang self some dap!!! And here is your cyber high five from me on the STRENGTH!! <3

The Authentic ONE

As Rakim would say," It's been a long time. I shouldn't have left you". I am baaaaaaaack!!! Yeah, I know it has been a while. I have been doing some things. I have published 4 books. I have been speaking and mentoring. I host a radio show, Shine Radio.  I have cut my hair and colored it purple. I have moved to Houston.

I have grow and changed and I have more to share. So we are gonna blog it out or if you dare, call into the show and talk to me.😉 I have some things I want to share and expose you to. I will be kicking off the end on the year with some changes to the blog's look and feel PLUS I will be starting the year with a webinar. Get ready! Take a look at some of the highlights 

Emotional Bully

 

It has done to all of us at any given time in our lives as children or as adults. We might even be experiencing it now. It can be done by anyone including those we love, honor and respect most: mother, father, sister, brother, aunt and friends.  It really hurts when those we care the most about aren't supportive, are negative and consistently derogatory. What could I possibly be talking about.....EMOTIONAL BULLIES.

 Domestic abuse is a behavior or pattern that involves violence  or other abuse by one person against another in domestic situations,marriage or cohabitation.

The entire month of October is Domestic Abuse Awareness month. We know exactly what that means as well as have empathy for the victims. What is often ignored is emotional bullying.  Emotional bullying occurs often, but oddly enough we never relate domestic abuse less more emotional abuse to start in the home.  Parents do it to children. I call them dream killers.

• You aren't smart enough for that

• How successful will that be for you as an adult

• I think that is a brilliant idea*sarcastic tone

Children become hurt, fearful, then can victimize others at school.  When children see these abuses at home as a norm it desensitizes them.  What is abnormal to most of society becomes normal.  As our children become adult they have absorbed or even grown the seed of emotional bullying. As a matter of fact become quite good at it. 
This is where domestic abuse and emotional bullying begin.  No one just wakes up and decides that they want to be the victim or the abuser.  Emotional bullying is the one that is ignored most. Sticks and stones will break your bones but words will never hurt you. That is one of the largest untruths that I have heard about this type of abuse.

As I sit in the middle of my bed typing, this is really hard to even touch this topic. What is even more hurtful is that the victims of this emotional bullying deal with it but keep moving through life like nothing has happened. I have listened to many of my sister friends stories of emotional bullying that they have endured.  Often I wonder why! Why do you accept it? Why do you stay? Why do you not fight back? Why? Why? Why? I don't understand!  I will never understand!
You are nothing.What you do is not special
Do this or else I am leaving
You are such a lier
Your contribution is small
There are others but you get the gist of what I am conveying.  Then after the brigade of  disrespect and belittling the abuser has the victim on the ropes discombobulated and an emotional wreck. The abuser is now feeling good! In the mean time the victim is left hurting. 
The emotional bully can be a friend. You accept what she says as,"aww, that is just how she is."  It can be a parent. It can even be a spouse.  Whomever it is, they are often dismissed as this is just how they are yet you continue to endure the hurt, heartache, abuse and pain. 
How you deal with it differs, but it will require mental toughness.  It does require you to dig deep.  It will require you to move people out of your inner circle if they are the offenders and move different people in. GET YOURSELF SOME NEW PEOPLE!!  You will pray more. My secret was and still is PROVERBS 31:10-31
Yeah, I know.....you have read this enough times you know it by heart! But I got some revelation about the Proverbs woman. This chick is OFF THE CHAIN!! She is a smart business woman, respected, loved and cherished by the people that are around her. She is vibrant and alive. She is KNOWS her worth. She is 1 Authentic Woman. So are YOU!!
Be Your Best Self EVERYDAY!!