* GUEST BLOGGER* Stylicia Bowden

Born "Alpha", Woman That Is!

I know who I am, I embrace who I am and who I am is what I accept; no validation needed. ~Stylicia~

Its has been almost two years since I threw away the carbon copy of who I thought I was and traded it in for the unadulterated woman God created me to be. In this journey I have learn so much about myself and realized the authentic me had to emerge. I lived my life for years being a fake, pleasing other people because of my insecurities. In 2011, I got an epiphany and have not been the same ever since.  My circle of friends have changed and I realize this road to authenticity can be lonely when you start dancing to the own beat of your drum. In the first two months of 2013 the revelation of myself started to go deeper when I went on a 30 day soul detox. The big reveal was that I am not an ordinary woman but extraordinary woman. God created me with unique characteristics that I did not want to embrace. Have you ever asked God, "Why did you make me this way?" The simple answer is God loves me just the way I am and does not mind being patient with me to tame or deliver the things that will harm my success. So yesterday in deep conversation with a dear friend I brought up "The Alpha Woman". I told her we are Alpha Women, born to be this way. You may ask me, "Stylicia, what exactly is an Alpha Woman?" After intense research on the Alpha Woman I have complied a list of some characteristics that make me or you an Alpha Woman. Let's look deeper and embrace this "Alpha Woman" phenom.

The Unveiling Of The Alpha Woman : Characteristics

Characteristic #1: The Alpha Woman is Confident. She knows what she wants and go for it. Go Getter Mentality

Characteristic #2: The Alpha Woman is Independent. She believes in pushing her own weight and making things happen for herself.

Characteristic #3: The Alpha Woman is Purpose Driven. She knows her purpose in life and everyday she sets a target to fulfill her goals.

Characteristic #4: The Alpha Woman is aware of her power. She uses her feminine power to lead in a positive light. She is subtle and like the finer things in life.

Characteristic #5: The Alpha Woman is classy. She is wrapped in all things elegant.

Characteristic #6: The Alpha Woman is a trendsetter. She inspires people through her words, her style, and most of all through her presence.

Characteristic #7: The Alpha Woman does not have to demand respect, respect automatically follows her; everywhere she goes.

Characteristic #8: The Alpha Woman can sometimes be demanding. She lives her life on auto inspire & auto make a difference. She is out to change the world.
Characteristic #9 The Alpha Woman is confident.
Characteristic #10 The Alpha Woman is authentic.
Characteristic #11: The Alpha Woman is intellectual. She loves to gain knowledge through educating herself for the next big takeover.
Characteristic #12: The Alpha Woman is unique. She never tries to blend in because she knows her worth and she knows she is an original. No one can imitate her.

Does this sound like you? Well if so, join the bandwagon I AM AN ALPHA WOMAN, TOO! Embrace who you are, allow God to perfect it and balance you out. Never be ashamed of who you are be that "Alpha Woman" you were born to be!

Examples of Alpha Women:

1) Beyonce

2) Oprah Winfrey

3) First Lady Michelle Obama

4) Tyra Banks

5) Jada Pinkett
6) Alicia Keys
7) Queen Latifah
8) Angela Bassett
9) Mary J Blige 

Stylicia Bowden is a self published Author of several book

The Inspirational Corner

Soulseeker

All About Him: The Experience

The Writer's Block

The Princess Within: The Soul of a Woman 

 Check out MORE Blogs by Stylicia Bowden 
 http://www.theinspirationalcorner.blogspot.com/

The Break-UP

    It is time for me to say good bye.  I know that you are thinking to yourself, why.  All I can think is, WHY NOT?!  Remaining connected to you serves me, NO purpose at all.  There are things that I have to do that won't allow me to stay connected to you.  You are holding me back from being the Woman, Mother, Author, Friend,Daughter, Sister and Wife that I can be, that I was created to be. For many years, you and I have had this on again off again love/hate relationship. Our highs have really been high but when we are low, whew, we were low. I don't believe that you will just leave on your own. So, I have made the decision that I am leaving YOU!!!
     This morning I woke up with a smile on a my face and joy in my heart. I giggled in delight when I turned over and I didn't see your twisted ugly face. Good morning Sunshine is what you used to say as I would turn over and put my pillow on my face. Oh, God I don't want to get up! Aww, ish I don't feel like this today. What the eff....do I really have to. TODAY, today is a different day.
    My feet hit the floor and my eyes twinkled. I mouthed Thank you Father. I said good morning to my children and as they went down the stairs to leave for school,"I love you have a good day son", "I love you have a good day sweet girl"
     As I sit in the kitchen having a drink of orange juice, I begin to wonder what took me so long to leave you. What was holding me back? I thought about all the times that I started things and didn't finish. I started school three times...didn't complete. This time I graduate in December. The book that I started years ago. Mah, that didn't count because I was bitter writing that. My "real" book is about to be released. The relationships that I messed up, incomplete and failed.  All the times I put up a wall to protect myself. Was I protecting myself or was I hiding. Hiding from what people would think about me. Maybe more fearful of what I would show them about me.
  I go back upstairs to get ready for work.  I look in the mirror and I smile...I had to cheat on my FEARS to get the strength to break up with my DOUBTS. Now that I am  Engaged To my FAITH & Married  to my DREAMS. I can see myself for who I truly am. My Authentic self, the way that God created me!

MUAAAAH

Mother isn't always right

     A little girl sits in the kitchen as her mother cooks Sunday dinner. Her eyes are full of wonderment and mind is full of questions.  Mama, she says, why do you cut the end of the hamhock before you put it in the pot. The mother looks puzzled, she doesn't know why. Well baby, I don't know. Grandma does it. I will call her and find out. The mother calls Grandma, her mother,and asks why does she cut the end of the hamhock before she puts it in the pot.  Grandma says...I don't know Daughter, my mother used to do the same thing.  Grandma calls her mother and asks..Mother, why do you cut the end of the hamhock before you put it in the pot.  Granny answers," I cut the end of the hamhock so that it will fit in the pot".  The moral of this story is we are doing things and we don't really know why we are doing them.
     For three generations the same thing was done without question and without a reason for two of the three generations.  Many times we do things because we have seen it done without reason, more times than we are willing to admit.  Many times we accept advice and information just because of who it comes from. Without the knowledge that the information, insight or advice is correct, given without bias, without ill intent or without bitterness.  The sources...cousins, girlfriends and MAMA.
    Yeah, I said it....MAMA.  Just because Mama said it doesn't make it right.  That is something that I have been coming to terms with because I am a mother, I have a mother and a had a grandmother and a great grandmother.  There have been behaviors, phrases and thoughts passed down through out the generations good, bad and indifferent.
     I watched my mother work and take care of her children to the best of her ability. I watched my grandmother be a good wife to a husband that she married and because a mother to his 7 children. I listened to the humors wisdom  of my great grandmother.  I watched how they interacted with eachother and with others.
     The one thing that I remember and always maintain from my grandmother is that a lady must be a lady at all times. That meant and still means to maintain appropriate behavior in public places.  My great grandmother always has something funny to say to explain something, usually it was somethings from her past. The story of how  she was nosy and her grandmother, a midwife, told her that she carried the babies to the mothers in the black bag that she carried. When she looked she didn't find the baby. She then went back and to her she didn't find the baby, her grandmother told her that she kept the baby in a wood stump. She went to a wood stump to pull out a baby and pulled out a black snake, a coach whip.
     This particular blog was more difficult and controversial than Ms. Independent vs Ms. Self-Sufficient because even more women are less willing to accept or admit that Mama or Grandma could be wrong about something.  It doesn't mean that they love you any less but what it does mean that you have to look at their mentor ship with critical eye.
    Grandma may have had children but never married she may be biased or even bitter about men.  She just might not be the one to ask advice about men.  She might have passed this down to Mama.  You might have seen Mama be independent and strong with no man in her life. What Mama said was the law!! No man told her what to do, less more suggested. Mama taught you to be smart and get an education. Mama also sold you on a dream about a night and shining amour, yet, mama is dissecting every ill that a man may have done to her in her life. Her first boyfriend, her last boyfriend and maybe even your father.  All men cheat and lie, men are no good, all men are dogs.
      As an adult woman you have to decipher this mess.  You have to make some decisions about what is right and what is wrong? What to accept and what not to accept? As a mother, you have to make a decision....do you tell your daughter one thing and show her something else?  Example: Smoking is bad for you is what you tell your daughter but she is with you when you purchase cigarettes or even has watched you smoke. Example: Wait until you are married to have sex but there are different men in and out of your home/bedroom.
     DON'T accept that because Mama said it that it is ALWAYS right because it isn't.  Analyze where it comes from based on what you know about Mama.  Has she had some experience that has made her bitter or soured her.  We learn lessons  from our life experiences and our surroundings, family. Good, bad and indifferent we have learned many lessons mother, our caregiver.  We make choices to do as we saw, "it was good enough for Mother it is good enough for me". We make choices," I didn't like how that was done...I won't to that"
    I implore you to make a decision!  Just because mother said it doesn't make it RIGHT.
    

Everyone that is with you isn't FOR you.

 Melancholy, Despair, Funk, Sadness Misery,Unhappy Heavyheartedness,Gloominess, Hopelessness,Blah, Poignancy, Bummer, Cheerlessness, Dismal, Distress, Heartbroken,Depression

  Misery loves company, I have heard that so many times and for so many years.  Has anyone actually thought about what that really means? I will wait........
 People that are miserable like to have others around them that are miserable. This person may or may not realize this is who they are.  This person may be upset and will interact with people to make them unhappy or upset as well.  They make excuses for their bad attitudes.They constantly complain.  You may even find that these people often say that they have HATERS but they are often spending time hating on their "haters". Now, that makes a lot of sense. 
She is your friend to your face but behind your back she just can't help but talk bad about your or even tell something personal/private about you.  Some of the things that she says to you are in order to make herself *SHINE* in someone else's eyes.
What is even more interesting is that we interact with these type of people, women, on a regular basis.  You ignore how she behaves because you have become accustomed to her behavior, her rants, her raves, her meanness. Yes she is many times mean!! Very mean.
I used to have a friend. Nice lady, helpful, fun to be around...until she saw that I was happy or I wasn't doing what SHE wanted me to do. If she couldn't get her way she would be mean, nasty, disrespectful and argumentative.  She was mad one day for no apparent reason, she called her daughter's dad made him mad. When she ended the call she was smiling, just as happy.  She often blamed her bad behavior on her cycle.
Soooo, what do you do. If you value this friendship. You speak with her honestly. Tell her how she behaves and tell her how it makes you feel. If the behavior doesn't begin to end you could have to change your relationship or even end it. I changed our relationship but she ended it because I changed it. Value who you are. Value your happiness. Value your space. Value your peace.
Now, if you can't think of a person that behaves in these negative ways....it is probably you. Don't be afraid to look in the mirror.  Don't be afraid to journal it out. Don't be afraid to get some help. It could be depression. Depression can be fixed with help.
Then again it may not be depression. It could be jealously, envy or even hate.  Everyone that is with you is not always for you. Friend may be a foe. People that have been in your circle for years, may have to be left behind for you to shine. Sometimes the ones that are closest to you could be your worst enemy. Step away with the realization that you have to surround yourself with people of like mind. A mindset of success.

Ms.Independent vs Ms. Self Sufficient

I posted a few days ago on my Facebook page "Real men are NOT intimidated by a "self sufficient" woman."Thanks Bruce Lee for being truthful.  I hear "single" women screaming ....I'm independent, I'm independent that is why I am single a man is intimidated by ME. Sit down and SHAD UP. You are single because a REAL man is not gonna put up with the drama you bring.  A REAL man will protect his woman, fight for his woman, love his woman, hold his woman and laugh with his woman. In the mean time MS. INDEPENDENT can't  tolerate this man. She thinks he is weak, a punk, too nice.  She wants a THUG. When she gets a REAL man she can/will ruin him.  She wants a man to be in her life financially but wants him to sit down and close his mouth when it comes to valid input/insight in her life.  MS. INDEPENDENT is often in different "relationship" because she seems to think that she intimidates men.
  Let me quickly EDUCATE you...there is a difference in independent and self sufficient.  The difference is happiness. An independent woman has no focus and pessimistic, nothing is ever good or right. She is always complaining, there is always some other woman that is jealous or a hater, at least in her mind's eye.  She always has some piece of man around that she chose for some weak reason then she disrespects and demasculates him for a weaker reason....to make her feel better about who she THINKS she is or who she wants others to think she is.  She lacks self-esteem, purpose or goals.  she often adorns her exterior with "things" to cover
Ms./Mrs. SELF SUFFICIENT may or man not have a man at her side.  She doesn't always have to prove she is INDEPENDENT by announcing "I'm an independent woman" It is in her stride, her face, her confidence.  She WILL follow a man with a plan. She knows her value and so does he.  She is confident in who she is and strives to be better.  She recognizes her GREATNESS  and walks in it. A woman that is self sufficient doesn't need a man to be who she is.  She understands that in a relationship that she and her mate both have roles.  Where he is weak she is strong and where she is weak  he is strong.  They compliment eachother.

Life as WE know it

     December 21st the world ENDED....LOL  Well, if you are reading this, it probably didn't end for you. There is always some prediction that the world is going to end or coming to an end. It will, one day!  What would you do if you had 24 hours to live?

   The world didn't end. Your life didn't end.  Everyone that closed their bank accounts have put it back by now!  What would you do if you know you had 24 hours to live? Would you love more, go harder, do the things you have on that "secret" bucket list.  Would you spend those hours looking back over your life talking about would da, could da, should da?
     If you think about it, that is how most of us, generally.  Every day, we wake up and live our lives like little zombies.  We hit an event/affair  every once and a while....but really it is the same thing different day.  Aren't you tired of living this unfulfilled life, lifestyle?  Isn't there more to life than this?  When did we turn into such boring people? Life is more than just merely existing. Everyone will die but are we really LIVING?
     Have you heard the saying: life is wasted on the youth. Well, usually it a person well past their prime, living a lifestyle of nothingness and unfulfilled. I say dust off those dreams and make them come to life.The world DID end December but your new lifestyle starts TODAY. What are you gonna do?  This is your chance to live today like there is no tomorrow because as much as you believe that you will wake up....you might NOT.  Stop wallowing in what wasn't accomplished in the past, mistakes of the past, what you think you missed out on.
     Release your GREATNESS. You are great, you have special gifts and talents. There are things that only you can do.  Your smile could inspire someone. Your helping hand push someone to excel.  You have a purpose, release it and it will not only help other but it will help you.

Get YOUR life!!!

Friendship

    The thing most important after one's mate and children are friends! This is a topic that can go one way or another.  Some women will say sure they have plenty of friends, while others will be very specific and say that they have more male friends than female. When asked why there will be a variety of reasons but the ones that intrigue me the most are women are catty, women are jealous; other women want what I have.

     Yes, some of this is true but it isn’t true of all women.  Could these characteristic be ones that you pass on or label on other women because of some bad life experience or are these your personal character flaws?  Could this be the residual effects of your own personal insecurities?  Is this a legacy that you have inherited from grandmother, mother then pass down to your daughter? Is this the mental and verbal abuse of your spirit when you were a girl?
     Friendship is a connection where people are going the same direction either moving forward, moving backwards or just maintaining.  Friendship should be mutually beneficial to all parties involved.   Great advice, good listener, helpful, supportive, trustworthy, loyal, honest, respectful,dependable: these are qualities of a friend.  What prevents us from being good friends: jealously, self loathing, insecurities, selfish, narcissistic, low self-esteem and the list can go on?
    Do you know what friendship is?  Think on that, with that being said....do on to others as you want others to do on to you. What type of friend are you? Are you the type of person that you would be friends with? Are there some things that you are willing to change to become a better friend? Do you value your friendships?  Do you believe that your friendship is valuable or impacts your friend(s) positively or negatively?
      Friendships to change, grow and dissipate.  Sometimes the friends that we have no longer really "connect" for whatever reason.  It happens and there isn't a need to be upset about it, it is a part of life. It doesn't mean that your love has changed for this person.  It does mean that you could be going into different directions, life changes or whatever it is.  True friendship NEVER is gone, you will reconnect.
  This is a new year and everyone is saying that they are making improvements and changes. Why not make this one of those changes?