Be Happy, Be Authentic

WANTED WOMANHOOD was released August 1, just 30 days ago.  It has been exciting! I have had a few book signing and my first overseas sales.  I have had a radio interview. The first book I sold was to a MAN.  I would say that this has been the happiest that I have been in a long time.  I have started living in who I am created to be.  The only thing is......I really HATE my job!  It was just an ends to a means. I work, go to school, parent, write and now I am trying to establish a business.  Work leaves me so unfulfilled. Work is just that, WORK. Now that I have released my book work has become even more irritating than it was in the first place.  It is just a check. It is just a resource. I changed when I started writing. I felt free. I was more calm and even more pleasant to deal with.
What has changed? The fact that I have made the choice to BE AUTHENTIC, I have become happy.
      There are so many people in the world that are just unhappy. They are just living....getting up in the morning going to their job, doing for children, loved ones, eating the same meal.  Then you can't figure out why you are always bored. You are bored because you are going from station to stations with no highs, just a lifestyle of uneventful events. I have been there. I have been so deep in it that I didn't even smile. I smile a lot more now!
     So what does it take to get to this utopia?  Well, for me it took me letting go! I let go of what I thought others wanted from me and for me. I started investing time in myself.  When I started investing in me, my worth grew hence my value to others grew.  Who I am created to be has nothing to do with the mistakes I have made. I have made plenty. God hadn't changed his mind about what He wanted me to do. He hadn't changed his mind about who He wanted me to be.  I just had chosen not to accept it.  The fact that I had chosen not to accept it put me in a place of being unfulfilled.  It put me in a state of living station to station. I was just existing, taking up space.
     Getting to happy is a destination.  It is also a choice.  You can get up everyday, on purpose, happy.  You could also choose to just get up.  It is a blessing to wake up because everyone that started the same time as you won't end the same time as you. There are people that died without the chance to live in their purpose. They didn't figure out what their purpose was.  They didn't get the chance to be happy.  Being happy comes from a decision made daily to live your life like there is not tomorrow.  Being happy comes  from living AUTHENTIC. Living authentic comes out of telling the truth to yourself about your desires, faults and issues.  Living authentic requires you to be free to be who you are created to be.
Be Happy
Be Authentic

IT'S HERE!!!

 Wanted Womanhood

The Secretes to Living Your Authentic Life

I hadn't blogged in a while because I had been pretty busy with school, work, being a parent and writing my 1st book. I have completed my book and I have officially released a limited edition. For the first 50 that tweet, fb, instagram, or email you I will send you a discount code. The rules of the discount code are to have some integrity and only use the code once. Don't pass it on to your friends. Once I reach the 50 codes and 50 purchased the discount will shut down.

https://www.createspace.com/4086113

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GUEST BLOGGER *Stylicia Bowden~ You Deserve Love!!

I hadn't blogged  in a while. I haven't blogged because I am working on my presales for my book WANTED:Womanhood.  But I couldn't allow you to not get ANYTHING.  You guys have read my guest blogger. Her is one of her recent blogs.

CHECK IT OUT!!

You Deserve Love!

Often times people never embrace love because they believe they never deserve it. ~Stylicia~

 

 

 

It has been a little while since I have written on my blog however, life can sometimes be consuming but in my consumed state growth was happening. I learned some important life lessons that have challenged me and made me a better woman. In the last five months I have noticed a difference  in myself and recognize the woman I am becoming daily. I realize in my growth process I was confronted with the issue of learning to no longer be scared of love. For so long I have been accustomed to dodging love, making excuses and believing I did not deserve to be loved. I spent many years believing I was not worthy of someone loving me because of my imperfections. Every romantic relationship I had ended up with me being alone; this was never the picture I painted or fantasized about. However, this year I got tired of doing love my way and told God I would give my love life and dating life over to him. I made a decision to focus more on my dreams and aspirations to live my life more abundantly. I am a firm believer you can have it all the career, the man and the prosperity but it will mean patience is defintely required for the journey. Once I made a decision to stop looking for love and let love find me I became a happier soul. In my journey of living life abundantly I realized today I was no longer scared to love, the fear of love was no longer a fear. I was no longer scared to be transparent or vulnerable and love the man that will be compatible for me.

 

I had to learn the truth about the power of loving myself unconditionally. When you understand that love is attracted to you because it is who you are then love will not be hard to attract. As the months slip by in 2013 I am becoming more aware of how beautiful love is and can be. As a woman I have learned the secret of attracting love from a man is learning to love yourself and treat yourself with respect and unconditional love. I never felt like love was as close to me as it is now in my life. I understand who is the ultimate source of love---God. God is love. Love is fulfilling and incredible when you understand its power, its virtue and how much you deserve love. I started to affirm myself by being aware of how much I needed to love myself before anyone else could love me. Today, I challenge you to look at love differently and challenge your love walk for yourself. Do you love you for all of who you are..whether good or bad? What are the negative things you are saying to yourself about love? Do you fear love? If you answered Yes to any of these questions today is the day you tell yourself "I Deserve Love". It's time to break up with the false fearful image of love and affirm to yourself boldly: "I am love, I deserve love, I will not rush, force, manipulate or be deseparate or needy for love. I will be patient with love and prepare myself for love by loving myself first." The best example of love is godly love when Jesus died on the cross for you. Understand love is patient, kind, and all other things 1 Corinthians chapter 13 discusses. It is time for you to get a better realtionship with love by understanding you deserve to be loved.

 

 

Love Yourself First Then Love Can Love On You.....

 

Personal Challenge: Write Yourself a love letter!

Different Kind of Swagg

     The past few months I have been going through some changes.  Yeah, things in life change. Some things that are way beyond my control.  I have always heard that women start coming into their own in their 30s.  I believe that.  What I also believe is that a woman doesn't really come into her own until she begins to walk in who she was created to be.
     I have had some major changes in my life and lifestyle the past few years; a move to another state, two major break up, change in job, a different church and now completing my book.  These changes have shaped me just like my life previous to those changes shaped me. I would say that the more recent years have pushed me more in the direction of who I am created to be.
     I notice I smile a little more. I laugh a lot more.  I live a lot more. My walk is different. My conversation is different. My connections are different.  I am different.  I have started living the life that I said that I would live as a little girl in the third grade.  When my children got grown and gone I will write and travel.  I have decided NOT to wait until they are grown and gone.
     My first book release in a few weeks and I have another book project that I am currently brainstorming.  I realized to be my AUTHENTIC SELF, the woman that I was created to be, that it is my purpose in life is to SACRIFICE AND SERVE.  With the understanding that my life is not about myself, in order for me to be fulfilled living my life it is important for me to do what I was created to do.
     What will happen if I don't do what I was created to do?  The people that I am suppose to help will suffer and the people that they will help will suffer and so on.  The funny thing is that since I have become aware of who I am created to be, I have a different kind of swag

Priceless Woman

    I was so blessed by a Woman's Fellowship that I attended at my church on Friday. It took the Virtuous Woman to a different level, for me.  I have been studying Proverbs 31:10-31 for more than a year.  I know you are probably thinking why so long.  Every time that I dug in I was able to pull something new.  This woman was thebomb.com.   She was: an entrepreneur, a caregiver,  mother, wife, owned things.  This woman was something serious!!  She took care of her help and she gave to the less fortunate. She took care of her children and her husband. It was interesting to me that they understood her value and worth, therefore they appreciated her.  What I didn't pull from my study is SERVICE and SACRIFICE.  This what made the Virtuous Woman "price far above rubies".
    Take some time and think about some influential women....First Lady Michelle Obama, Hillary Clinton, Oprah Winfrey, Tyra Banks, Mother Teresa, Rosa Parks, Eleanor Roosevelt, Princess Diana and the list goes on. These women are influence not because of money or power but because of  SERVICE and SACRIFICE. 
     A few days after that fellowship, I called one of my close friends and reminded her of her value.  That same day I text another friend that she is PRICELESS and I love her. She text me back. I am pretty sure that she didn't know what the entire message was about.  When we spoke, I explained to her why I sent that message.
     The thing is, sometimes you have to remind those that you connect with that you appreciate and value them.  Sometimes you have to remind your friend that she is valuable.  We are not taught that we are valuable, therefore it isn't uncommon for a woman to not have the understanding of her value or even that she is valuable.  We are not valuable to ourselves our value is to others.  We are the givers of life.  We bring a smile to our children's face. We bring joy to our mates heart.
     How is my value diminished? My value is diminished every time I am disrespected. My value has nothing really to do with me it has more to do with the person that is interacting with me. The beauty is in the eye of the beholder.  Does that make sense?   I can diminish my own value or worth if I lower my standards. I have marketed myself down, discounted myself.  Simply put, value is diminished when you put a 2.5 million dollar mansion in the middle of the projects.
     When you aren't living the life that you are created to live then your value isn't the same.  We were all created for a purpose! What were you created to do? What will happen if you don't accomplish what you were CREATED to do? THIS is your value and worth.  We are all fearfully and wonderfully made.  We are all created with special gifts and talents. What is will propel you into PRICELESS is how you choose to....

  Sacrifice and Serve

   

Messy

  In this new part of my journey, I speak often about cleaning up your mess.  I make mention of being messy and fake.  Well, I am going to share something emotional and even scary.  This past weekend I was working on my book, almost complete. 
   In my journey through Womanhood, I have hurt people although unintentional.  That is because I was hurt, insecure and inadequacy. I chose to adorn my self with many thing, mostly a false sense of SWAG. Hair, nails, clothes, shoes even the way that I walked and talked was used to cover up all of the things that I didn't want anyone to know about me.  I am talented,smart. I can do anything, unfortunately, because of my insecurities, hurts and inadequacy I never completed anything. I could incomplete the hell out of anything. I have learned that I was fearful of succeeding. Stupid,huh.
   In 2008, I moved to Charlestons,SC to be with the man that I thought that I would spend the rest of my life with, Adrian.  Six months after moving here, on his birthday he broke up with me.  Still in 2009 and 2010 I was still hurt and missed him. We kind of tried to work things out but I still had my issues. Just another example of me starting something that I didn't complete.  I got into another relationship,Jay. A whirlwind, the chemistry, connection and emotion took me by surprise.  It actually took us both by surprise.  Three weeks into us dating he said he was looking for a wife. Six weeks into the relationship he wanted to know if I had thought about spending the rest of HIS life with him. He was 10 years older. After 4 months of dating, NOT mating(no sex) , he asked me to be with him exclusively.  He wanted me to have a child and I was willing to consider having this man's child. Alas, because I was incomplete on the previous relationship...I got an incomplete on this one.
   So back to the emotional scary thing.  I have learned that I have to apologize for what I have done wrong and thank the person for what they meant to me.  This past weekend I sent a text to Adrian.  I really wasn't sure how it was gonna go but I had to make a mends in my heart.I I text that I really appreciated him in my life, thank you.  Although it didn't work out I accept my responsibility.  He text he was sorry and thank you...he should have handled us better.  I cried. I cried like a big baby.  I was able to speak my heart. Two days we text. I don't know how he felt but I know I was happy and sad.  Towards the end, to me, it was comfortable. I felt FREE.
   Next, I text Johnathan. He didn't respond at all but that is typical...lol He was a hokie pokie personality. Not the kind of man that I was used to being with.  He had good qualities but he had things that I didn't particularly care for.  Then I called my younger two children's dad.  That was a mistake.  Sometimes when cleaning up your mess the person that you are trying to clear your mess with doesn't want to let it go. That is THEIR issue.  So finally, to clean up my relationship mess, I am going to call Jay.  I am not really prepared for that but I wasn't prepared for Adrian either.
    You have to do some hard things to move forward to your newness.  I don't want to sweep anything under the rug anymore.  I don't want to just shove my mess in the closet and force it close and hope that my stuff doesn't come tumbling out.  I have finally gotten so tired of incomplete that I have decided to complete.
  So stop adorning yourself with STUFF to cover up your mess. Fix your mess and to become who your were created to be.

 

*GUEST BLOGGER* Rochelle Richards

The Importance of Believing in Yourself

In today's world, many of us  are taking stock of our lives and making choices daily. We look at where we are, where we came from and where we thought we'd be by now. Many of us are in professions we never thought we'd be in; in relationships (or out of)  we thought would turn out differently and some are losing faith and hope in all the dreams they have for themselves. Now don't get me wrong, in no way am I excluding myself because I'm human and I too have dreams yet to be fulfilled.

I came across this article by chance while checking a page on Facebook of a high school classmate of mine. The link caught my attention, because the first line simply said.. " Never underestimate what's in store for you. Here are nine ways to believe in your greater purpose ". So being curious, I clicked the link, read the article and loved it . I simply had to share the positiveness with others.. Here they are :)

Nine Ways to Keep Believing

Identify Your Values

What do you live for? It’s hard to know where you’re going unless you know who you are. Identify and prioritize your values. It’ll be clearer to you what you need in life (and therefore, what’s most important) opposed to what you simply want.

Train Your Belief System

Everything you will have in your life will come about because of your belief that they’re possible. The first step to training your belief system is to use affirmations. Affirmations like “Why am I so confident? Why do I believe in myself? Why do I trust my intuition?” are empowering questions that focus your mind on why you are, in fact, confident.

Watch Steve Jobs' 2005 Stanford Commencement Address

It’s one of the most inspirational speeches I’ve watched on having faith in your purpose. This video is a different kind of soul food!

 Be Bold

It’s important to realize that no one has ever fallen while stepping out on faith. I think about this single point daily.

Toughen Your Skin

No one ever succeeds without being rejected (many times). Expect to hear the word “no” time after time, and you’ll be ready to overcome, time after time.

Accept Compliments

This is critical towards bolstering your self-esteem, which is an imperative part of stepping into your purpose. Next time someone gives you a compliment, resist the urge to dismiss it, or think to yourself that the person didn’t mean it. Instead, imagine it is true, and you might just find that it is.

Surround Yourself With People Who Believe In You

Jim Rohn says you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with – he has a point. The common denominator I find in people who excel is that they surround themselves with folks who not only excel in their own right but believe in the potential of their friends.

Fake It Until You Make It

This begins with simply speaking confidently and assertively (even if you you’re not). By simply speaking in a strong manner, you will see you have greater control over your ability to influence. As a result, your actual confidence will grow.

Force Yourself Into the Habit of Believing

Some people are born with an innate self-confidence, but most of us are not that lucky. It’s a good thing we can teach ourselves new habits. Most experts agree it only takes 30 days to change your behavior. Just like a good exercise program, use the suggestions I gave to map out over the next 30 days what you will do daily to boost your “belief muscle.”

 If anyone wants to read the full article, here's the link: http://www.essence.com/2012/03/02/believe-in-yourself-and-your-plan/. I  hope this entry will help motivate others into being more positive, knowing that once they continue to believe in themselves and in their dreams, all that is needed is hard work and dedication to achieve them. Be motivated to keep on being elevated!


Look for Rochelle Richards book coming SOON


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