Authentic Strength

Stay strong
Only the strong survive
          Those are the two phrases that come to mind about strength.  Who came up with these? Why? Does it mean that you always have to show strength or something is wrong, you won't be respected or as my teens would say....you are a lame.  Who determines your strength? What makes you strong? Why do others think that people that appear to be strong don't need anyone for support or ever feel weak? Hmmmm, interesting thought. I always appear strong and silent but I can be fragile, hurt, venerable.
          When I think about the woman that I grew up around, they had a strength...a silent strength, regal and royal.  Then came the Independence Movement. Women wanted to claim their VOICE.  Now sometimes I wonder are we talking too much to show just how powerful we are?  What came to mind is "real bad girls move in silence". Strength is not about power in the boardroom, boss bitch, holding in your pain in just to switch it for anger. Strength is love, kindness, tender, venerability.  When did we begin to change it up.  It is sadly at such a level that women are no longer soft or even seem to be nurturing.  I don't know how often I have heard women tell their sons," don't cry". Then within a small stretch of time they are upset because the "man" they are with shows little to no emotion.
          For generations women have developed their own ideas of what strength is, then there is even more of a divide ethnically.  I can't claim to know what other ethnicity of women consider strength because I have never been anything but who I am. I do know that there were several turns that have gotten women off task.
 Strength is calm, silent, diligent, patience, nurturing, helpful, unselfish, self-ful, resilience, vulnerability, integrity, self awareness, perseverance, empathy and of course operating in authenticity. Strength is knowing when to move and how to move with a sprinkle of humility to ask for help. Strength is the humming bird whose wings are moving so fast they are almost invisible.....it seems as you are going nowhere but if you take take a little time to breath or survey your progress you will notice. Stop and smell the roses girl! Enjoy your successes big and especially the small ones.  Give your dang self some dap!!! And here is your cyber high five from me on the STRENGTH!! <3

The Authentic ONE

As Rakim would say," It's been a long time. I shouldn't have left you". I am baaaaaaaack!!! Yeah, I know it has been a while. I have been doing some things. I have published 4 books. I have been speaking and mentoring. I host a radio show, Shine Radio.  I have cut my hair and colored it purple. I have moved to Houston.

I have grow and changed and I have more to share. So we are gonna blog it out or if you dare, call into the show and talk to me.😉 I have some things I want to share and expose you to. I will be kicking off the end on the year with some changes to the blog's look and feel PLUS I will be starting the year with a webinar. Get ready! Take a look at some of the highlights 

Emotional Bully

 

It has done to all of us at any given time in our lives as children or as adults. We might even be experiencing it now. It can be done by anyone including those we love, honor and respect most: mother, father, sister, brother, aunt and friends.  It really hurts when those we care the most about aren't supportive, are negative and consistently derogatory. What could I possibly be talking about.....EMOTIONAL BULLIES.

 Domestic abuse is a behavior or pattern that involves violence  or other abuse by one person against another in domestic situations,marriage or cohabitation.

The entire month of October is Domestic Abuse Awareness month. We know exactly what that means as well as have empathy for the victims. What is often ignored is emotional bullying.  Emotional bullying occurs often, but oddly enough we never relate domestic abuse less more emotional abuse to start in the home.  Parents do it to children. I call them dream killers.

• You aren't smart enough for that

• How successful will that be for you as an adult

• I think that is a brilliant idea*sarcastic tone

Children become hurt, fearful, then can victimize others at school.  When children see these abuses at home as a norm it desensitizes them.  What is abnormal to most of society becomes normal.  As our children become adult they have absorbed or even grown the seed of emotional bullying. As a matter of fact become quite good at it. 
This is where domestic abuse and emotional bullying begin.  No one just wakes up and decides that they want to be the victim or the abuser.  Emotional bullying is the one that is ignored most. Sticks and stones will break your bones but words will never hurt you. That is one of the largest untruths that I have heard about this type of abuse.

As I sit in the middle of my bed typing, this is really hard to even touch this topic. What is even more hurtful is that the victims of this emotional bullying deal with it but keep moving through life like nothing has happened. I have listened to many of my sister friends stories of emotional bullying that they have endured.  Often I wonder why! Why do you accept it? Why do you stay? Why do you not fight back? Why? Why? Why? I don't understand!  I will never understand!
You are nothing.What you do is not special
Do this or else I am leaving
You are such a lier
Your contribution is small
There are others but you get the gist of what I am conveying.  Then after the brigade of  disrespect and belittling the abuser has the victim on the ropes discombobulated and an emotional wreck. The abuser is now feeling good! In the mean time the victim is left hurting. 
The emotional bully can be a friend. You accept what she says as,"aww, that is just how she is."  It can be a parent. It can even be a spouse.  Whomever it is, they are often dismissed as this is just how they are yet you continue to endure the hurt, heartache, abuse and pain. 
How you deal with it differs, but it will require mental toughness.  It does require you to dig deep.  It will require you to move people out of your inner circle if they are the offenders and move different people in. GET YOURSELF SOME NEW PEOPLE!!  You will pray more. My secret was and still is PROVERBS 31:10-31
Yeah, I know.....you have read this enough times you know it by heart! But I got some revelation about the Proverbs woman. This chick is OFF THE CHAIN!! She is a smart business woman, respected, loved and cherished by the people that are around her. She is vibrant and alive. She is KNOWS her worth. She is 1 Authentic Woman. So are YOU!!
Be Your Best Self EVERYDAY!!

Why ME? Why Not?!

Often times we wonder when things happen to us WHY ME.  What makes us think that we are just that special that things don't happen to us?  We never stop to think WHY when something positive, good, or something that we like or what to happens.  It is like we have some sense of entitlement! 
     How many times have you heard at the right place at the right time?  What about, right in the nick of time?  How about, just missed it?  Positive or negative depends on your state of mind.  The things that you go through, experience, develop your character.  It also puts in the position for what you are destined to do and who you are destined to help. The train that made you reach your destination later than expected, caused you to miss the accident that you could have been included in.  Being in that accident could have injured or killed you preventing you from helping the old lady with her grocery.
We don't know why things just seem to happen to us. There is a reason for everything that occurs. Things just don't happen all the time just because. Sometimes there is a lesson or even up level that occurs that will only happen with this disruption, distraction or interruption of what we BELIEVE should be happening.  Maybe you can't get to where you are trying to go without it, meaning it is NECESSARY for it to occur for you to get the best result. Without pressure there wouldn't be diamonds!
The next time you ask.....why did this happen, why does this have to happen to me....Consider this, why not you. After all you were divinely created for a specific reason to connect with particular people and if it doesn't happen then you can't/won't gain the knowledge, experience, creativity or empathy necessary to service others, fulfill vision, recognize dreams.  With the understanding that your life is NOT just about what you can do for yourself and the people that you are immediately attached to then you will not be so quick to ask WHY ME or WHY.  Instead you will realize a new posture of I GOT THIS.

Negativity defeats YOUR purpose.

Any complaint that you can think of then say out loud is Negativity.  We say it all the time and think nothing of it.  Have you ever wondered why the things that you want haven't materialized?  Don't only look at what you do but also what you are saying.

I'm broke....
I don't like my job....
My head is killing me.....
I am tired

We all do it, COMPLAIN!  We have become so accustomed to it that we don't even notice that we have slipped into being ungrateful.  When this happens it becomes very simple to plant the seed of negative.  I think that in our own minds we set ourselves up to fail by planting negative thoughts because we are concerned what others say if we are happy, are successful or don't fail.
What IF you wake up in a sluggish mood then say," something good is going to happen to me today."  That one little sentence can and will be the shift into the positive.  What IF everyday you did something just a little different, even special, just enough for you to notice. Maybe polish your toes neon pink in the winter when nobody will see them.  Change your lipstick color. Take yourself to dinner. Do something to get of your comfort zone!!
Next, say something positive about yourself EVERYDAY.  Take the time to compliment someone else as well.  Once you begin this process, as silly as it seems, you are changing your mindset.  Yes, today might have been a bad day, but set your expectations everyday for something good, wonderful, excellent, and special.  We are now replacing negativity daily with little seeds of positive.
Now that you have planted the positive seeds, how do you fertilize them to grow?  That is simple..being grateful!  Gratefulness is being thankful for what you have, ALL of it.  That doesn't mean, so and so is worst off then me so I am grateful.  This gratefulness is for you...for life, health well-being, job a place to rest your head.  The things that you have outside of what someone else might NOT have.
Negativity grows wild and chaotic.  It prevents you from seeing your purpose.  You are not beginning to see a little more clearly.  Your purpose begins to come into view.  You weren't just placed here to live a life void of actual LIVING!  You were created to do something special and it may or may not hav anything to do with having a platform to do  anything big.  Your purpose my be as simple as a smile, hello, compliment, comment, a hug or some money to one particular person.  Because you are in a negative space you can't see it or miss out.  If you don't do what you are suppose to do then you can't SERVE your purpose in someone else's life and it prevents them from SERVING their purpose to whomever they are connected with.  Think about that when you wake up and say,"NOT today, I don't feel like it."

NEGATIVITY DEFEATS YOUR PURPOSE

ny complaint that you can think of then say out loud is Negativity. We say it all the time and think nothing of it.  Have you ever wondered why the things you want haven’t materialized? Don’t only look at what you do but also what you are saying:
I’m broke…
I don’t like my job….
Such in such is a terrible boyfriend/girlfriend…
My head is killing me….
I am so tired…
We all do it, COMPLAIN!  We have become so accustomed to it that we don’t even notice that we have slipped into being ungrateful.  When this happens it becomes very simple to plant the seed of negative. I think that in our own minds we set ourselves up to fail by planting negative thoughts because we are concerned what others say if we are happy, are successful,  or don’t fail.
What IF you wake up in a sluggish mood then say,” something good is going to happen to me today.” That one little sentence can and will be the shift into positive.  What IF you took a chance and did something “risky”, not crazy but out of the ordinary for yourself. What IF every day you did something just a little different even special, just enough for you to notice. Maybe polish your toes neon pink in the winter when nobody will see them, change your lipstick color, take yourself to dinner. Do something to get out of your comfort zone.
Next, say something positive about yourself EVERYDAY. Take the time to compliment someone else as well. Once you begin this process, as silly as it seems, you are changing your mindset. Yes, today might have been a bad day, but set your expectations everyday for something good, wonderful, excellent, and special. We are now replacing negativity daily with little seeds of positive.
Now that you have planted the positive seeds, how do you fertilize them to grow? That is simple….being grateful! Gratefulness is being thankful for what you have, ALL of it. That doesn’t mean, we so and so is worst off then me so I am grateful. This gratefulness is for you…..for life, health, well-being, job, a place to rest your head. The things that you have outside of what someone else might NOT have.
Negativity grows wild and chaotic. It prevents you from seeing your purpose. You are now beginning to see a little more clearly. Your purpose begins to come into view. You weren’t just placed here to live a life void of actual LIVING! You were created to do something special and it may or may not have anything to do with having a platform to do big things. Your purpose may be as simple as a smile, hello, compliment, comment, a hug, or some money to one particular person. Because you are in a negative space you can’t see it and miss out. If you don’t do what you are supposed to do then you can’t SERVE your purpose in someone else’s life and that prevents them from SERVING their purpose to whomever they are connected with. Think about that when you wake up and say, “Not today, I don’t feel like it.”
Negativity defeats your purpose!
- See more at: http://www.mindofadiva.com/life-lessons/negativity-defeats-your-purpose/#sthash.rEEuaX9T.dpuf

ny complaint that you can think of then say out loud is Negativity. We say it all the time and think nothing of it.  Have you ever wondered why the things you want haven’t materialized? Don’t only look at what you do but also what you are saying:
I’m broke…
I don’t like my job….
Such in such is a terrible boyfriend/girlfriend…
My head is killing me….
I am so tired…
We all do it, COMPLAIN!  We have become so accustomed to it that we don’t even notice that we have slipped into being ungrateful.  When this happens it becomes very simple to plant the seed of negative. I think that in our own minds we set ourselves up to fail by planting negative thoughts because we are concerned what others say if we are happy, are successful,  or don’t fail.
What IF you wake up in a sluggish mood then say,” something good is going to happen to me today.” That one little sentence can and will be the shift into positive.  What IF you took a chance and did something “risky”, not crazy but out of the ordinary for yourself. What IF every day you did something just a little different even special, just enough for you to notice. Maybe polish your toes neon pink in the winter when nobody will see them, change your lipstick color, take yourself to dinner. Do something to get out of your comfort zone.
Next, say something positive about yourself EVERYDAY. Take the time to compliment someone else as well. Once you begin this process, as silly as it seems, you are changing your mindset. Yes, today might have been a bad day, but set your expectations everyday for something good, wonderful, excellent, and special. We are now replacing negativity daily with little seeds of positive.
Now that you have planted the positive seeds, how do you fertilize them to grow? That is simple….being grateful! Gratefulness is being thankful for what you have, ALL of it. That doesn’t mean, we so and so is worst off then me so I am grateful. This gratefulness is for you…..for life, health, well-being, job, a place to rest your head. The things that you have outside of what someone else might NOT have.
Negativity grows wild and chaotic. It prevents you from seeing your purpose. You are now beginning to see a little more clearly. Your purpose begins to come into view. You weren’t just placed here to live a life void of actual LIVING! You were created to do something special and it may or may not have anything to do with having a platform to do big things. Your purpose may be as simple as a smile, hello, compliment, comment, a hug, or some money to one particular person. Because you are in a negative space you can’t see it and miss out. If you don’t do what you are supposed to do then you can’t SERVE your purpose in someone else’s life and that prevents them from SERVING their purpose to whomever they are connected with. Think about that when you wake up and say, “Not today, I don’t feel like it.”
Negativity defeats your purpose!
- See more at: http://www.mindofadiva.com/life-lessons/negativity-defeats-your-purpose/#sthash.rEEuaX9T.dpuf

ny complaint that you can think of then say out loud is Negativity. We say it all the time and think nothing of it.  Have you ever wondered why the things you want haven’t materialized? Don’t only look at what you do but also what you are saying:
I’m broke…
I don’t like my job….
Such in such is a terrible boyfriend/girlfriend…
My head is killing me….
I am so tired…
We all do it, COMPLAIN!  We have become so accustomed to it that we don’t even notice that we have slipped into being ungrateful.  When this happens it becomes very simple to plant the seed of negative. I think that in our own minds we set ourselves up to fail by planting negative thoughts because we are concerned what others say if we are happy, are successful,  or don’t fail.
What IF you wake up in a sluggish mood then say,” something good is going to happen to me today.” That one little sentence can and will be the shift into positive.  What IF you took a chance and did something “risky”, not crazy but out of the ordinary for yourself. What IF every day you did something just a little different even special, just enough for you to notice. Maybe polish your toes neon pink in the winter when nobody will see them, change your lipstick color, take yourself to dinner. Do something to get out of your comfort zone.
Next, say something positive about yourself EVERYDAY. Take the time to compliment someone else as well. Once you begin this process, as silly as it seems, you are changing your mindset. Yes, today might have been a bad day, but set your expectations everyday for something good, wonderful, excellent, and special. We are now replacing negativity daily with little seeds of positive.
Now that you have planted the positive seeds, how do you fertilize them to grow? That is simple….being grateful! Gratefulness is being thankful for what you have, ALL of it. That doesn’t mean, we so and so is worst off then me so I am grateful. This gratefulness is for you…..for life, health, well-being, job, a place to rest your head. The things that you have outside of what someone else might NOT have.
Negativity grows wild and chaotic. It prevents you from seeing your purpose. You are now beginning to see a little more clearly. Your purpose begins to come into view. You weren’t just placed here to live a life void of actual LIVING! You were created to do something special and it may or may not have anything to do with having a platform to do big things. Your purpose may be as simple as a smile, hello, compliment, comment, a hug, or some money to one particular person. Because you are in a negative space you can’t see it and miss out. If you don’t do what you are supposed to do then you can’t SERVE your purpose in someone else’s life and that prevents them from SERVING their purpose to whomever they are connected with. Think about that when you wake up and say, “Not today, I don’t feel like it.”
Negativity defeats your purpose!
- See more at: http://www.mindofadiva.com/life-lessons/negativity-defeats-your-purpose/#sthash.rEEuaX9T.dpuf

The Game Changer

                As the New Year begins to get closer, people start to think about how they intend to make improvements in their life: I will lose weight, I will work out, I will eat healthy, and I will go to church.  After the New Year starts, the gyms are full of people until the end of February.  That is when everything goes back to normal. The people that have made a choice to change their lifestyle get their gym back and the ones that made a temporary change are back at home on the couch watching TV.

                Getting to better is mind, body and spirit is a lifestyle that does not begin with just a few trips to the gym. It does not begin with a couple of healthy choices in your diet.  It begins with a mental shift.  In life, we have so many things that we go through. There are difficulties that are beyond our control.  There are times when we are the cause of the twist and turns of our roller coaster of life.  Things in life will change, that is a guarantee!  What will make you hold your course to your commitment to weight loss, working out, going back to school for that degree or whatever it is that you intend to accomplish is AUTHENTICITY.

                Authenticity IS genuineness, correctness, truthfulness.  Authenticity shines through with truthfulness to self.  The mental shift begins when one can be truthful to yourself.  Once this mental shift begins you will notice little things.  You may notice you have become more truthful to your lifestyle.  Things that you did before you might even realize you did not even like them so you stop doing them.  Things that you may have been afraid to try, you step out and do them.

                Your “swag” is different.  The changes that are occurring on the outside are now beginning to show up on the outside.  You will smile a little more; you know your REAL smile.  You laugh a lot more.  You are more pleasant to be around. Your conversation is different.  Your connections are different.  The concern that you have if people will like what you say or do will probably begin to dissipate. You will think more positive causing you to behave more positive.

                In order to produce a SUCCESSFUL change, it should start from the inside out.  Authenticity will give you a happiness that you have never experienced before. This happiness will translate into the best mother, sister, daughter, friend, girlfriend, wife, employee, employer, woman and person that you can be.  This happiness will provoke a lifestyle change. It will not seem to be so hard to stick to working out, change in diet, commitments to your personal success.  The New Year is just weeks away. It is time to make some decisions about what you want out of life because it is too short to live unfulfilled.  I challenge you to look deep within yourself and tell yourself the truth. Determine what makes you happy then go for it!  Commit to your personal happiness and your personal success.  That commitment will be the game changer for your successful lifestyle change.

Be Authentic, Be Happy,Be Blessed

LOVE LIVE

Thanksgiving "Season"

Today is Thanksgiving. The holiday season has started. I have always found it interesting that people seem "thankful" during the holiday season but not so much before. I have watched people post on Facebook...... Day  ??: I am thankful for.....

The holiday season seems like it is the only time family gets together unless there is a sickness or death. I find it strange that it seems to be the time that the homeless an less fortunate are thought about. This is the season that there are more death due to suicide. This is the time of the year were more people suffer from depression.

I am not exactly who made the decision to make a holiday season a time to be thankful. Giving thanks should be a lifestyle. Being grateful should be just as natural as breathing. Helping others is something to do because it is what we were born to do. It shouldn't only happen because it is the holiday.

EVERYDAY is a day of thanksgiving! Every day we should be thankful for the fact that we have opened our eyes and have another chance to do something for someone else.  It isn't because we have been so good or wonderful. Every morning we rise we are given new grace and new mercy. Now imagine if God chose to give us everything during the "holiday season"

Giving thanks allows room for more in the natural & supernatural realm. When you say thank you in the natural to other they receive and accept appreciation. You have gotten their attentions and they are more likely to help or do for you again. God moves that same way! When we give thanks He smiles. I imagine He says look at my child, what else can I do. When you make the sacrifice to give thanks when you are going through, you have really gotten His attention! 

Give thank in everything, not just for a "holiday season". 

Until next time

Be Happy

Be Authentic

Love Life